EPISODE 3

So, I got a broken nose. One of my precious children dropped a 5lb turtle on my face. By accident, of course.

Within minutes of the accident, before the bleeding even stopped, I thought "this would make a great story! It's just blazing with classic slapstick!"

That must say something about me. Either "What a masochistic crack-pot! " or "What a great sense of humor!",  but either way it screams, "now that lady is cut out for taking care of kids!". That's the way it has to be you know. If you can't laugh, you will never survive. And I had better get my gut muscles ready because it was my oldest boy who is only 7 and I have two more behind him!

But not to worry, along with all of the injuries children can provide they are also a great source of straight-up silly fun! The other day they came up with this game where we played hospital and I was the Doctor/nurse and they were Jack and Jill who fell down the hill and sustained excessive injuries throughout all of their bodies and the nurse, who came to give them meds got fired because she kept taking all the painkillers herself! Don't ask me where they come up with this stuff.

So this turtle was not a living one (now THAT would have been funny!), and no, it wasn't dead either… it was stuffed.  How in the world, you might ask, could a stuffed animal break your nose? Well, I will tell you: I sewed a barbell inside it's body not twenty minutes before it came to rest on my face. Ironic, right? Here is a little more irony for you: I did it as a tactile aid for comfort.

There is a story here (isn't there always a story?). A friend of mine was helping come up with some good plans to help my son deal with some emotional/behavioral difficulties. She suggested giving him a calm space to be in and something heavy he could put on top of himself. It is a comfort thing. She works with kids professionally so she knows what she is talking about. She didn't say anything about the risks to my face. Of course, we weren't really in a calm space at the time. We were on the living room floor playing pig-pile. I was on the bottom and now that I am thinking about it, I can understand why you see those completely ridiculous warning labels on things telling you not to do something that no person with half a brain would do. I guess you can have your brain and still do stupid stuff.

My son did like the turtle though! And I think it will help him, which, in the end, is all that matters. Funny how a broken nose doesn't seem like a big deal when I compare it to giving my son the tools he will need to develop into a well- adjusted adult. Besides, my nose isn't crooked and the doctor said that in a few weeks it will be all healed. He also said that he had broken his nose when he was 11 and his nose was very neat and straight, so unless he lied or had plastic surgery to cover up his unsightly deformity, I don't think I have anything to worry about.

It also doesn't hurt as much as you would think… my nose I mean. At least not until after it happened. Then it hurt. The more you think about how you got smashed in the nose and heard a little cracking noise inside your own head, and how now there is a profusion of blood that used to be inside your body and now is finding an easy escape route via your nasal cavity, the more it hurts… but it is probably all in your head.

You can take that last little statement however you want.