EPISODE 1

EPISODE 1

We have had more broken glass on our floor than we can shake a stick at and that gets me wondering… Why are we shaking sticks at things? (I know exactly why we have so much broken glass!)

My husband is from Chile and when he moved here he took a class called “let’s talk turkey.” It was all about the weird things we Americans say that don’t make any sense unless you’re in the know. It’s like a nation-wide inside joke and the punchline is the confusion we cause among foreigners and the ridiculous things they say when trying, unsuccessfully, to imitate us. I think if the U.S.Army would employ this turkey talk as their new secret code it would be hugely successful in causing the enemy to wet their pants because they are laughing so hard at the weird things we say.

So all the broken glass on my floor is due, in part, to the fact that I used to own a dozen tall, clear, grown-up glasses. I now only have three and they are not from that dozen. That whole set broke one glass at a time so I bought a new set and broke one of those. For fun.

It is only a matter of time before we take out the rest. They say all families should have things they do together. I’m not sure this is what they meant.

I wonder if Martha Stewart ever had this problem. I wonder if she ever broke all her good glasses and set her table with oddities similar to those that have graced our own. Certainly not with a camera crew present! But even if she did, I bet she could put a twist on it so it was still picturesque. I can just see it…

“Let’s see . . . I have a clear glass, a coffee mug, a plastic tumbler, a shot glass, a soup cup, a jelly jar… Drat! I’m one short! what can I use? Oh, perfect! I found a measuring cup! Now if I just paint a perfect rosebud on the side here…”

Whether or not she has this struggle is not really important. What is important is that she does have struggles. Who do you think made orange the new black?

I mean no disrespect to Mrs. Stewart; I am simply trying to make the point that when you are in the middle of pouring your friend a drink into a egg cup, wishing you could trade places with Martha because she would have the perfect glass for any beverage, you should stop and consider if you really do want to trade places. The grass is always greener until you get there and realize there are barbed wire fences around the parameter.

I have a kind of attachment to grown-up drinking glasses and other things like that… seasonal decorations, my bookshelf, couch pillows (don’t even get me started on couch pillows! Okay, I’m started... so my husband uses my couch pillows to nap on and he drools, and the kids use them as napkins to clean their hands, and as building blocks for forts, and what started as something to make our living space look like a magazine cover now makes our living space look like the kennel)... anyway, these things make me feel like I have it within my grasp to be a picture perfect homemaker (like that is a real thing or something) and that we can appear “normal” if I have these things in place. (Don’t roll your eyes - even if your goal isn’t “homemaker”, you have things that make you feel like your goal is tangibly attainable through your own way of doing things). But I need to realize that there are things way more important than being a Better Homes and Gardens center spread and I should not put too much value on the things.

People should always have our best, and our things should always take second place.When I entertain guests they always get the real people cups we use, and we use the plastic cups with princesses and superheros. If more than three people come over,  I have to pick my three favorite people to give the The Glass to... so if you come over to my house and get stuck with a green lantern cup you know what it means.

It means we have broken the last three cups.